Monday morning 24th April 2017 at 8:30am
Rumaysa started it with a very random statement.
"Mama, when you die, I will walk to wiam's house (my next door neighbour) by myself!"
In my shock (because it's just bizzare topic to be brought up in the early Monday morning plus we haven't discussed anything related to death whatsoever) So I asked:"why?" (TBH I don't know what else shall I say)
She said:" because you won't be there anymore" (I said to myself: yes, it makes sense but why this discussion?? And why now???)
Then I prompted another question:"But why would you go to wiam's house?"
She said: "So that I can play with her."
Bless her, She just want to play!
I then asked: "But who's going to look after you when I die?
She said:"Wiam's Mom!"
I replied "But she's not your mom, she's wiam's Mom"
And then she was quiet for a while and change the topic and said:"I am going to miss you when you're not here"
I said:" oh I will miss you too" I was touched by her statement but I continue cleaning up the kitchen.
I was in the kitchen and she's in the livingroom so I couldn't see her facial expression.
And then she suddenly run to the kitchen and towards me crying for good few minutes and hug me and said:" I don't want you to die!"
I sat her on my lap and gave her a big hug and I couldn't hold back my tears. I actually cried with her!
I said to her:"everyone will die but ask Allah ﷻ that He gives me a chance to raise you up, see you grow, see you get married, Hudayfah gets married (mind you he's only 10 months) and see your children"
She then stopped crying but still wanted to be hugged.
But while I hugged her so many thoughts rushed Into my brain:
1. The thought of leaving them behind while they're still physically in need of their mother was daunting! But isn't it all these provisions are forms of blessing and mercy as well as lending from Allah? So if He wants it anytime I should be ready to let it go.
2. Have I prepared myself and my kids or family to face those kind of tests or vice Versa (have I prepared myself)? I guess no one can be soo prepared to lose their loved ones.
3. Have I maximised my effort to spend any minutes in this life for His sake? And have I taken a chance to nurture my children properly while I still have my opportunity?
4. I should not worry what and whom I leave behind because Allah ﷻ is The Protector but I should be worry what I will face after I die!
5. Kids have a tender heart and they do know which people around them who are kind and love them as they are (I'm referring to my super kind Neigbour Allahumma Bariklahum)
*One of those meaningful morning that Allah ﷻ gave me via the lips of my 4 years old Rumaysa (Allahumma Bariklaha)*