Thursday, 27 April 2017

Chat again

One evening as I was busy attending my cranky Hudayfah, my eldest said:

"Mama, I think I am going to skip being a parent, I will be straight to become a grandparent! "

I was holding myself not to laugh and ask:"why do you want to skip?"

Nusaybah:"because I can see how hard looking after baby and children is.." 

I think she saw me that evening trying to catch up my breath and constantly on my toes due to her brother.

I then said: "to be a grandparent, you first have to have a child or children, and those children get married and then they will have children then you can become grandparent, so if one day you got married and have children then me and baba will be grandparents."

"Oh... but I just want to be a grandparent without being a parent."

LESSON LEARNED!

As hard as it could possibly be...just pretend to always be in control and in your coolest mode in front of your kids! Because you are building an image and setting example of how mother, wife, daughter should be! these memory will one day become a reference point for them as they grow up. 

I do believe, the way we raise our children isn't far from how our parents nurtured us.

Monday, 24 April 2017

My Monday

Monday morning 24th April 2017 at 8:30am
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Rumaysa started it with a very random statement.

"Mama, when you die, I will walk to wiam's house (my next door neighbour) by myself!"

In my shock (because it's just bizzare topic to be brought up in the early Monday morning plus we haven't discussed anything related to death whatsoever) So I asked:"why?" (TBH I don't know what else shall I say)

She said:" because you won't be there anymore" (I said to myself: yes, it makes sense but why this discussion?? And why now???)

Then I prompted another question:"But why would you go to wiam's house?"

She said: "So that I can play with her."

Bless her, She just want to play! 

I then asked: "But who's going to look after you when I die?

She said:"Wiam's Mom!"

I replied "But she's not your mom, she's wiam's Mom"

And then she was quiet for a while and change the topic and said:"I am going to miss you when you're not here"

I said:" oh I will miss you too" I was touched by her statement but I continue cleaning up the kitchen. 

I was in the kitchen and she's in the livingroom so I couldn't see her facial expression. 

And then she suddenly run to the kitchen and towards me crying for good few minutes and hug me and said:" I don't want you to die!"

😢😃

Bless her!

I sat her on my lap and gave her a big hug and I couldn't hold back my tears. I actually cried with her! 

I said to her:"everyone will die but ask Allah ﷻ that He gives me a chance to raise you up, see you grow, see you get married, Hudayfah gets married (mind you he's only 10 months) and see your children"

She then stopped crying but still wanted to be hugged. 

But while I hugged her so many thoughts rushed Into my brain: 

1. The thought of leaving them behind while they're still physically in need of their mother was daunting! But isn't it all these provisions are forms of blessing and mercy as well as lending from Allah? So if He wants it anytime I should be ready to let it go.

2. Have I prepared myself and my kids or family to face those kind of tests or vice Versa (have I prepared myself)? I guess no one can be soo prepared to lose their loved ones.

3. Have I maximised my effort to spend any minutes in this life for His sake? And have I taken a chance to nurture my children properly while I still have my opportunity? 

4. I should not worry what and whom I leave behind because Allah ﷻ is The Protector but I should be worry what I will face after I die!

5. Kids have a tender heart and they do know which people around them who are kind and love them as they are (I'm referring to my super kind Neigbour Allahumma Bariklahum)

*One of those meaningful morning that Allah ﷻ gave me via the lips of my 4 years old Rumaysa (Allahumma Bariklaha)*

Monday, 10 April 2017

13 years

It's been a memorable 13 years and I pray there will be plenty more years to come! Amin

Navigating through marriage life indeed teaches me so many things. You discover your qualities and skills you never knew it was existing, you learn to take and give, you learn to tolerate, accept the differences, encourage one another to do good, overlook the shortcomings, learn to forgive, learn to find the best time to speak, learn to speak with wisdom, learn to understand each other's point of view.

I always believe that Allah ﷻ grants us a spouse to complete us and learn from one another and meet somewhere in the middle. I often find spouse possess opposite character. Extrovert and introvert, ahead planner and last minute one, outgoing and indoor person. 

My philosophy is: being married is like being a pair of slipper. If your spouse is the right slipper then be the left one (of course this doesn't imply any negative connotation) - what I mean is: complement each other and never expect your spouse to be exactly the same as you! 
Just like slipper, the colour will match, the size will be the same, the style will be identical but it comes as a pair! 

Mabruk too to my dearest twin Umm Adam who born and got married at the same day as me 😃

Here's dua that might inspires those who's in their journey to find the other slipper...ops I mean the other half! 
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Oh Allah, if I fall in love, let me fall in love with someone who commits his love entirely to You, so that my will to
love You also increases.

Guide and limit my love to that someone so that it does not go beyond my love for You.

Oh Allah, if I fall in love, allow me to touch the heart of someone whose heart is constantly thinking of You, so
that I do not fall into the traps of an unfaithful love.

Oh Allah, if I fall in love, guide my heart so that I do not turn away from You.

Oh Allah, if I long for someone, limit my longing so that I do not forget to desire Your Paradise.

Oh Allah, if You permit this love that I have for one who loves you, then do not cause me to transgress my own limits, until i forget that the True Love and Eternal Longing only belongs to You!