Sunday, 6 September 2015

[percakapan] a wife?

Once Upon the time when we were in the car as I was driving back from Nusaybah's swimming class, my girl Nusaybah who is five years old asked me

Nusaybah:" mama, what is "a wife" mean?"
Me:"Errmmmm... A wife is a woman who is married to a man, for example mama, I am baba's wife" because I am married to baba

Nusaybah:"oooo...so do I have to get married when i grown up?"

Me:"I would think so, what do you think?"

Nusaybah:"I will get married, but what happen if there is no men left?"

Me:* laughing*" what do you mean?"

Nusaybah:" what happen if all the men are married?"

Me:" what make you think like that?"

Nusaybah:"because when I looked around, I saw all the men are married"

Me:"how do you know Nusaybah?"

Nusaybah:"they walk with women or they hold their children hands"

Me: "but look at that man!(there was a man walking on his own), he is not with a woman nor a child"

Nusaybah:"well his wife maybe at home, mama"

Me:"ermm, you're right, but trust me, there are many men not married yet, but you don't want to marry those men, they will be very old by the time you're grown up"

Nusaybah:"so who can I marry mama?"

Me:"anyone at your age or slightly older or a little bit younger... Those uncles will
Be 80 or 90 years old by the time you're twenty"

Nusaybah:" so I can only marry a man like my age mama?, like my friend?"

Me:" yes... Maybe" at this point I am slightly worried with the way i answered her qs.

Nusaybah:" so if a man is already married, can I marry him, mama?"

Ops!.... I truly don't know what to say and how to say it!

I can't say yes (even though is halal to be second third or fourth wife) but I don't want to plant that idea at such a young age 

and I can't say no because that'll teach her something different from what Allah's ﷻ messenger has taught. 

I just say:" I prefer you marry someone whose not married yet and don't worry about it now, it's still a looong way to go, you need to study, learn a lot and memorise Quran and when you're twenty we can talk about it.

Then she didn't respond apart from smiling 

*phew...tough questions but again it made me learning new things*

Saturday, 5 September 2015

I miss you mom!

You were always there when I need you to share my thoughts and feeling

You never failed to lend me your ears when I needed someone to listen to

You gave me ease to just show all the feelings I had inside 

You would ask me questions after each stories I told, it just showed how much you cared 

You never doubt in my strength and ability to face anything in this life 

You never gave a chance for an empty and loneliness crept inside me hence you never ceased to call me each morning when I lived miles away from you 

Just a "hello" hi or Salam and knowing I was okay was enough to make you happy and cheerful

I didn't understand at that time why you did it
All I knew that you missed me, and you couldn't wait the day I went home and visited you

I was in my own world 
I was ignorant and practically blind

Blind on how much you have loved me
Blind on how much pain you went through to just let your youngest daughters live far apart from you when she was only 15 years old
Blind on how much sacrifice you did to send me to a good school so I can aim for the star and succeed in life 
Blind on how deep on you're missing me 
Blind on how hard you worked to support me financially, mentally and physically 

You tried everything!
You sent me to English, physics, Quran, math and any private tuitions you thought was necessary 
You would push me and boosted my confidence 
You told me that I had to work harder day in day out
You sent me to three different asatid to teach me Quran, Qira'ah and Islamic speech... After fajr, after asr and after Maghrib 
You managed to plant an extraordinary target I needed to achieve on each point of my study 

And with your dedication, support and du'a, I did managed to get it

You would wake up early morning to collect fresh vegetables from local Farmer and market to be sold around the village 

You opened beauty salon and taught me how to cut hair and blow dried when I was only 7 years old

You employed the neighbours to help you with your Krupuk business

You traveled to the city to secure a deal with contractor to sell roofs to them

You had your garment business and taught me how to attract customers and how to secure the deal

You nurtured my entrepreneurial  instinct from such a young age

It inspired me to look any opportunity anywhere and anytime to start buying and selling until my university years.

You never let me down
You would be sad when I was sad
You would be extremely happy when I was happy
You couldn't wait to hear all the stories from my long shifts in the hospital

You were always there

There to calm me down
There to comfort me
There to push me to achieve my dreams
There to remind me that succeed come from closeness to Allah ﷻ and hardwork

But when all the dream you have been built I finally achieved
You were not there anymore
I couldn't see your proud teary eyes
I couldn't hear your voice congratulated me
I couldn't to kiss your hands as a thankful
gesture
I couldn't give you hug 
I could not show the world how proud I am to have you as my MOM

A mom that despite being unable to  complete her primary school education due to poverty and financial difficulties,
yet managed to give me confident and belief that I am capable to be a doctor and that's always been your dream 

A mom who didn't know any words of English whatsoever and yet believe that I must be able to speak English and now I live in this English speaking countries

A mom who never felt ashamed to try any new business ventures as long as it could support her husband to send the children to a good school

A mom who lived simple but made her children felt having everything all the world could offer

A mom who never gave up on her dreams 
A mom whose love is unconditional 
A mom who was very strong and full of determination

Yes.... She was my mom! 

Even though you're not physically next to me now
And I can no longer put my head into your lap
I can no longer feel your touch
I can no longer hear your voice
But you're always in my heart, my thoughts and my du'a

By can I just say something???

Mom...I am truly deeply missing you tonight as I hold my children tight!